HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY LEXA!!

okay! So I went to your blog and read your posts and tried to comment...and the comment box wouldnt appear!! SO This is a special entry just for you!

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY!

AND EVEN THOUGH YOU CANT SEE THIS VERY WELL... I RAN INTO TAYLOR AND HE WANTED TO TELL YA SOMETHING.. ;)

So have a wonderful day Lexa! Thanks for being my friend and blogging all the time. I love reading your blogs! :)

The Cycle of Life

Where do I begin?

Today was a very odd day.  I woke up at 4am exhausted, praying to all the living things in my house that I would be able to stay awake during my shift.  (Which I did with a nice pick me up of caffeine).


I see people everyday at work. I deal with a TON of people.  Everyone has their own personalities, but unfortunately all I see from these people is a cold detached side of themselves.  I deal with the part of the person who is stressed, rushing, pissed, angry, biased, racist..you name it..and I tend to just write people off the same way Im sure I get written off. I ignore them. I ignore the REAL them.  This is my big epiphany today....these customers interest me. I am a people watcher. I would make a wonderful stalker (not in a harmful way, I just like observing people). I like to think about what might make somebody want that job, or talk that way, or think that way...I like to observe the inner workings of people. 
It started with one of my regular customers...I simply asked what job he had. I see him everyday and I wasnt sure what else to say to keep my conversations *Fresh and interesting*.  So I asked him what he did...and he told me he was an English teacher. So then we started talking about books and writing and my own novel etc. And I saw this side of him I had never seen.  This has started to happen more and more recently. I find out this really rude, crude customer is from Israel.  So he talks to me about Israel and opens up completely about how Americans are selfish pigs who take their country for granted, he described the terrible things that would happen to someone who was accused of being Jewish in Israel. It dawned on me...and I actually started to cry when this guy left.  I felt so terrible for making this big assumptions about this man. I just wrote him off as a complete asshole and now hearing about his life makes me realize why he would be like that.  I could tell you a million more stories just like that, but Ill leave it like this.... I am starting to appreciate these people for them and opening my heart to their stories and the things I am learning are phenomenal.

I came home from a long day of work, wanting to take a good long nap, but time escaped me and I had to get ready to attend my uncles mothers funeral.  She passed away a week ago and to be honest, Im not sure it hit me that she was dead until today.  I cried.  I wasn't sure if I would.  I do love her, but my love wasn't as intense as those who had known her for a bigger chunk of her life (versus my minimal 4? 5? years?).  
The thing that really pissed me off though...was my ex-boyfriend.  This guy is unbelievable. He fricken came to this woman's funeral (whom he didnt even know) and Im pretty sure it was just to see me...why else would he come?  I added him of facebook recently as a gesture of peace (its been 3 years since we broke up) and he has left millons of comments on my facebook now (even though he has a girlfriend!)....gawd. He just doesnt get it!

After the funeral I had to rush home because Joes, moms birthday party was scheduled for tonight.  SO  I rushed to the store bought ice cream (which we didnt use) and then rushed home....longggg night.  We*ve been painting marine debris and making art out of it. Ill put up pictures. :) Im making the Cheshire cat!

Anyhow. I am totally exhausted! I have papers to write, books to read, tests to study for...but for right now I have a bed that is calling my name!

Stupid Cars

Im sorry my posts have been random and I havent been reading peoples blogs. :( Im starting to feel the stress of the last couple of weeks at school +work+sleep+trying to find a car...

My car search didnt go well.  I spent my whole day off looking at cars and none of them were in my criteria (they were either manual, too high mileage, or too pricey) I spent like 2 hours at my dads friends dealership and they like held my hostage there. They kept showing me 16,000 dollar cars and I was like...THIS ISNT IN MY PRICE and they are like *its okay we*ll bring it down* So they bring it down to 12,000 and are like *You ready to buy this?* And im like...NO ITS NOT IN MY PRICE RANGE.  *What can we do to sell you a car today?*  SHOW ME CARS THAT MEET MY BUDGET... So after 3 hours of arguing and apologizing to the guy saying *look I just need to think about it* I finally ran out of that place never wanting to deal with cars ever again.  I am soooo sick of this. Im just going to take the next thing.

I am working a 4am shift today..I havent done that for like 2 weeks, so im really tired.  My stomach hurts too :( I have to work from 4am -1:30pm.........not fun.


Time to go to work.

Ill try to make better posts when I get home!  (And Reply to all of you guys!! Thanks for commenting etc even though I have been a shitty blogging buddy. <3333)

blah

Oh boy.

Todays the day Im supposed to go looking for my car, but Im a nervous wreck.  Im not sure if Ill have enough guts to go down there by myself and start asking a bunch of questions etc.

Centipedes have taken over my home.... we killed 3 of them last night....Im like scared to put my feet down.

I registered for classes the other day! And I have good news.. I will be transferring to a university after this next semester of community college. I cant wait! I will finally get to take more interesting and challenging courses.
Fall semester Ill be taking... Geography(and a lab), Math (to refresh my memory, because I haven't done it in 4 years), English, and Anthropology.  All those classes in one day too! So ill have like 3 days off of school it will be a nice change from my commute 5 days a week.

Ugh I just took a little break and went on facebook to check something... I think im going to delete that thing. All I do is feel hatred toward my own family because they are posting these terrible comments and pictures that are so close minded... ugh I cant take people..

Alright...

Thanks guys for being so supportive about all those secrets I shared. :) I know the last couple were pretty heavy and its amazing that we all shared a common hurt, like that, in our lives.

Lets just get one thing out of the way. I am extremely introverted and about the worst friend anybody could ever have.  This doesnt mean I do not care about the people who end up getting close to me though...

I used to have two best friends. Granted both of them are extremely religious and I cant really try to get close to them now, because they don't understand why I believe what I do now.
We*re facebook friends though... and I watch them talk with people etc and I think god...I wish I had something like that.  Somebody who I could finally get close to again, but who shares the same views as me.  (Like to hang out with or something I know you all are my friends, dont get me wrong! )
But the funny thing is... I can yearn for that, but in the end...that person would get close to me and I to them, but I would bail out on hangout days. I would probably end up dreading having to places with this person.  Why?
It doesnt matter how much I like them... I still just hate the public.

I wish I were different sometimes.

Anyhow... on another note.

I have been having crazy crazy dream all week.  Most of them are like end of the world dreams 0.o.
Like major natural catastrophes etc.  Like for example...what if the Earth started spinning backwards? Yupp.. I had a dream that it was night for like an hour then all of a sudden it was day time again, because the Earth started spinning backwards..crazy.
And last night I had a dream about some crazy phys-co lady who could morph into animals and like she kept trying to kill me.

Today...
I have a day off! But I have it jammed back with stuff. I SHOULD be writing my statement letter for my scholarships im applying for..but I got a little distracted.  I have to go pick up my letter of reference, go to a store meeting, call my work hot line and fix how I get paid,  go to class, go to the financial aid office, go back to class and then drive home in rush hour traffic. WHEW on my day off! lol
And tomorrow (If i get paid correctly) I will be going to look at cars and pray and hope. (BY MYSELF THOUGH!)
Everybody is working and nobody can go with me so im going by myself.

Okay Ive really got to go.. I have no time for this!!

Honest Scrap that I am....

Yay, I got an Honest Scrap award! Thanks Jon and Lexa!
Rules: List 10 facts that aren't common knowledge about myself and pass it on to 6 deserving bloggers.

1. I can touch my tongue to my nose.
2. I have 3 pet rats, currently one of them (hopefully) just has an inner ear infection. Im really worried about her.
3. My real name is Sarah I use Gypsy as a *Pen name* and Gypsy is also the name of my sick rat.
4. Im majoring in English and want to work in book publishing (being an editor hopefully, but im looking into other areas of the field, anything to do with books and publishing and Ill be happy!)
5. Im working on a novel.  (thats kind of common knowledge sorry)
6. I graduated a year early from highschool. I did 9th and 10th grade in one year. I also attended a school that only had 30 people grades 1-12 for 11 years..... So I never really had a good school experience. 
7.  I worry about everything to the point where I make myself sick.  I dont like making phone calls to strangers or business* I start to hyperventilate...Oh and I refuse to order pizza over the phone.
8.  I was once anorexic. (For a year from 13-14, I struggle with self-esteem and confidence till this day and often times for a couple weeks try not to eat much, but end up giving into the vicious cycle once again.)
9. I got kicked out of my house when I was 18, because I stayed out later than 12am. My parents and I got into a huge fight which ended in my leaving with trash bags of clothes.
10. And for a secret I have only ever shared with a handful of people... I was a cutter. I still have bad urges when I get depressed or angry, but I haven't cut for almost a year now. (I realize its stupid, but It doesnt seem stupid at the time...it was a way to get out emotions that I couldnt in other ways) Actually...for awhile I got so insanely depressed and cutting (last year I think..) that my boyfriend and his mom made me go see a therapist... lol thats kind of when I woke up and was like...this therapist isnt fixing me, I have to fix myself.

And now for the 3 deserving bloggers I know...

Jon  thanks for giving me this award and having the guts to talk about your religion! That gets major brownie points from me!

Lexa thanks for being honest enough to post pictures for your workout scheme and help me get back into shape too! Also, your always honest about everything thats happening and thats really inspiring.

Alainarose thanks for being honest in your posts, I love the way you write.

When Life Gives You Lemons...

I just woke up.

ALthough, this is my day off, I feel like I have so much to get done. 

1. Get out of my pajamas and get ready
2. Stop at moms house and fill out my FAFSA forms
3. Stop at bank and straighten everything out (which could take hours)
4. Go buy Tiffany a birthday card, gift card and something to eat for her party
5. Go to Tiffany*s birthday party this afternoon in like 3 hours....

The car search needs to end! I am so sick of this already.  Hopefully, next weekend I will have my car.  By then I will have co-signed my loan and chosen my car. WHEW!

Believe it or not I have been writing, a lot.  Well a lot in the sense that every second I get minutes of free time. The only problem with this is, im terrible and writing AND reading. I need to start splitting the time, but I feel like if im in the mood to write I just should, because I really really want to complete something!

Alright well, I was going to say something more entry like, but Im still tired and dreading my day of social activities.. :(

Got to go get ready...