For Stella

   The world is big, yet I am small. My whiskers get in the way of my eyesight, luckily, most of the time I forget they are there and I do not get agitated, as I am right now.  Its hard to be small in such a big world, but I think it must be harder to be big.  I watch as these strange creatures, who are much bigger than I, run around everywhere, frazzled.  Most of them are too exhausted to see the sun rise and too busy to see it set, what a shame. Personally, sun sets are my favorite, its when the cool air begins to settle under my fur.  I usually like to find a cozy corner to hide in when this event happens and sometimes I get lucky and one of my sisters will snuggle with me to keep me warm.

I'm lucky to be a rat; nobody bothers me much and food is easy to come by.  My sisters snicker at me when I leave the nest early morning in the morning.  Rats are said to be nocturnal you see, but I just cannot help but love both times of the day.  I usually spend half of my week in the sun, letting it warm my pink little nose and streak my brown fur.  I take care not to be seen by the strange creatures who are running around and wheeling massive machines.

My favorite place is the beach.  There is a rocky wall right outside our nest that leads down the street to the sparkling water. I spend most of my time there day or night.  During the day I stay hidden in the crevices of the wall, but at night I run untamed.  I challenge the swirling dark sea of water, running in and out of the waves that are left behind.  I run down the beach in the cold sand, creating my own sandstorms.  I tackles the crabs that scurry the beach in the moonlight. But my favorite thing to do at the beach is to simply lay and admire.  The stars are what amaze me most , their sparkling dispositions and their unique formations entertain my mind for hours.

Yes, the world may be big for a small rat, such as myself, but it was created nevertheless, for us all. 

*Note:  I wrote this - this morning before I had any idea that one of my beloved pet rats had cancer and was put to sleep.  She is no longer with me and I'm terribly sad, I dedicate this tiny nothingness of work to Stella, I love you.

*(If you are incredibly confused......please read

 My Reformation )*

The Reformation

Ive failed to create the type of blog I intended to.  My first instinct, as Ive done with so many other blogs, is to just let this blog get lost forever in the mindless world called the internet. Ill eventually forget my password and user name and never visit this site again.  Ill find a new site and start all over.

I'm not giving up this time.  I'm not packing up shop and moving away. (Not that anybody was really worried about this anyways)
Instead I'm simply going to start blogging the way I intended to in the beginning.

What the hell does that mean?

It means Im about to go nerd on your asses. 

I started this blog as a good way for me to start writing everyday.  I wasn't writing my novel at the time and I decided writing SOMETHING everyday was better than nothing.  I didn't however, intend on making this blog a simple journal. I wanted it to be more of my tool.  My posts were supposed to be all in story format...were supposed to be completely random and at most times entirely fictional.  So this is a warning to those of you have read my blog....things are about to change......things are about to get scary, strange, scandalous and I dare say spectacular.

Another World

 Page Count : 50

Im entirely in fantasy land right now.  Ive been writing away. Ive written about 30 pages in the past day and Im still writing today. I dont have too much to say right now.
Im just excited about my story. :)  I even had a dream last night about it.
Alrighty well im off to write some more! 

Clean Freak

Random Fact:   I spent all day yesterday cleaning our house for the return of the dark lord....yes Joes mom (and her boyfriend who is now about to live with us...weird)

Dreams: 
I had a dream that I had cats. Now I love cats, so this dream was awesome and to make it even better my two cats had kittens...wait for it...that could talk.  Yupp.  But some guy (Im not sure if he was supposed to be my dad or what I have got no idea) told me I couldnt have the kittens. I basically said to him, *Listen here you Mofo these kittens came from the vag of my fricken cat...so their mine!*
 -- I also had a dream about decorating cakes and almost dying falling off a cliff.



On a happier note....I didnt get any financial aid for this next school year -.- God DAMNIT.  Seriously folks? How the hell did I not qualify? I honestly think people are prejudice because Im going to be an English major.  They read my letter and their like *Wow shes smart she finished two grades in one year....4.0.....she adopts newborn babies who dont have homes.....she donates money monthly to sarah mclachlans save the animals campaign.  wow....OH SHIT SHES AN ENGLISH MAJOR? Fuck it. (burns letter) What a loser that one was.*
(They go on to read the next letter)... *Oh honey, read this one. -- *Burns the hair off of children....kills cats for fun....Science Major..DING DING DING you've just got yourself 25,000 dollars! Gratz*
I'm stuck having to take out another flipping loan. This is so stupid its community college still have I cant even afford it.  Luckily, Im getting paid salary soon, but that wont help me NOW. Since my tuition is due TOMORROW.  Blarg.
 Anyhow... I did however, being the nerd that I am, look up some of the text books I will be needing to buy.
Ive said it before and I will say it again, buying books for classes is my absolute favorite thing to do. Why? I have no idea, because the book sits there for half a year and usually doesn't even get used.  So anyways I was really interested because Im taking another literature course this year with a focus on *Monster Fiction.*
So am I right...when you hear Monster Fiction don't you automatically think of the classics? Dracula..Frankenstein. That sort of stuff?
No my book list for that class is :

Geek Love
Grendel
Melal : novel of the pacific (my teacher wrote this book, don't you think its a bit egotistical to make the students be requires to buy your own book and teach a class on it?
Survivor
Unwind

Okay so two books that look interesting Unwind and Grendel. However, they all have barely anything to do with monsters....maybe Im wrong, maybe Ill love them all (I sure hope so) needless to say I was disappointed.

Well...Im off to go watch some Harry Potter.  I had never watched all the movies before and the other day I watched all of them...except the third one lol because I thought I had actually seen that one. But by the end of the day I was so addicted and obsessed with Harry Potter I decided to go rent the third one and watch it anyways. :) ME NEED MORE HARRY POTTER. The good thing about Harry Potter is it makes me want to read and it really fires up my passion for writing my own book. So Ive been writing everyday so far.  I write longhand though so barely any of it is typed yet. I decided instead of writing and then typing what I just wrote Id keep writing longhand for a long while, because otherwise I go backwards and end up getting uninterested in my story because Im reading the same part over and over and not writing new parts.  Does that make sense? Lol okay Im outta here...

Yukky

I feel disgusting.
Ive been eating so terribly and I'm really trying to stop and get myself back into my workout routine. But getting over those first anxieties of leaving the house again is what has been stopping me.
I really do feel sick though from all this shit Ive eaten.



This morning I'm also really tired (granted its only 3:20am....but still) I didn't get to bed till around 11 which was dumb on my part, but for some reason I didn't feel very tired. Ive felt so hot lately- I just looked it up its been like 72-82 which is normal its  just humid and driving me insaneeee..

After work Ive got to come home and clean the entire house. Joes mom returns from her 3 week trip with her new boyfriend who is moving in.  Needless to say the place is trashed because Joe and I are really lazy at cleaning. In my defense I DID clean twice independently when she was gone... now its time for major cleaning though. Vacuuming floors, shining counters that kind of stuff. I know Im not going to feel like it either when I get home. SIGH
Maybe today I will actually take a nap?????? Every morning I wake up at 3am and think TODAY WHEN I GET HOME FIRST THING I DO IS JUMP INTO BED... but honestly every time I get off work I go get like subway come home and veg and then lay on the couch and watch something stupid. WHat a waste of time. However I have been getting a lot of writing done in the last couple of days!!  I did a whole Harry Potter marathon the other day :) Which reminds me to return that to blockbuster... okay well i have  a lot more to say but I gotta get to work ..
laterz

Pastry Shop

Yupp thats me.
Lots ...lots....lots....LOTS has been going on.
For the past 2 ? 3? weeks Ive been running around working, doing errands and fitting in family pictures/events. Its been hectic, to say the least. As you can see from my picture...Ive lost my noggin a bit. Im glad to inform you that slowly, but surely my noggin is coming back mama.

My brothers wedding went well:

( For the record - I made that tiny cake on top and helped ice some of those cupcakes. :D )
I also did a hula dance for my brother (which went well except for the almost de-dressing myself and having a seizure on stage while dancing) pictures to come of that  (I think) my sister took all the pictures so Im waiting for her to upload more.
I was also in charge of the playlist at their wedding which was good I made c.d.s since their d.j decided to just not show up..... he was in charge of their first song and luckily (THANK GOD FOR I-PHONES) i was able to download their first song on an iphone for their dance!!
Besides the wedding....
Ive been working, of course!
I am (almost officially my background check is almost finished) an assistant manager. WOOT.
My salary has even been quoted to me and I am quite happy to say that it is a great deal larger than I had anticipated.  I had prepared myself for the lowest of possibilities and didn't even think I would get this high under the best circumstances (since Im young etc) However, I am very very fortunate to already have such a great salary and am looking forward to being able to pay off that car I just bought and putting lots of money into my savings account!

Today was the first day in 2 weeks Ive had all to myself and I must say I rather enjoyed it. I watched Ace of Cakes all day and ate cake.
Saturday is Joes 21st birthday :D Ive been trying to plan something special for him and unfortunately his mother wont be here for his birthday - so it was left ENTIRELY up to me to plan something for his actual day.
So...behind his back...ive bough 21 items which tomorrow morning I am going over to my parents house (where I have them waiting because Joe is extremely nosy and he will take every opportunity he can to ruin surprises. ) to wrap.. I AM ALSO...going to be baking him a cake! Yes...I know...  I have become a cake whore.  But you know what...Ive decided I wish I were a cake decorator and Jon Id open a bakery up with you anyyy day! But ya...Im going to hide the 21 items all over our house and make him find his presents and also bake him a cake (he has no idea i am doing this) Which is going to be pretty I hope...and Im trying out a whipped cream frosting which should be yummy. Ill post pictures Saturday after the main event!!
BUT seriously. My DREAM DREAM....(get ready) would be to have a tiny pastry/cake shop that served coffee of course (since that is currently my specialty) and in my little pastry shop people could come and sit down and chill out in my awesome pastry shop that has a GIANT book shelf with tons of books and little miniature book shelves ON the tables themselves with book lamps.....

Just in case you cant picture this ...heres my blueprints!

I know...I know..Im amaazzzingg... hahaha

Okay anyhow...besides my day dreaming...Ive been...
Creating fictional stories up in my head and writing them down.  Lol, guess theres not much reality in my life, but oh well. WHO NEEDS REALITY. PSH.

God.....I want cake.

Let Them Eat Cake

Did you know Marie Antoinette never actually said the phrase, *Let them eat cake?*
It was a big rumor made up by the people because they hated her.
Nice little random fact for you guys.

Anyhow, I just finished watching 10 hours worth of Ace of Cakes.
I do wish I were a cake designer/maker. Lets just get that out right now.
Yes, I have actually thought about registering myself for cake making classes etc. and I might pursue this career if ever I am at a loss... However, I will just have to live vicariously through Ace of Cakes and Amazing Wedding Cakes. Cake Boss is just a little too obnoxious for me, sorry.
(For some reason I cannot add a picture to this post -.- )

Family.....
I love my family, I really do. So why is it...that I cant stand being with them for longer than an hour???? I don't know. Honestly, I really don't.
My brothers wedding is on Monday. Ive had a lot of stress about his wedding and I cant wait for it to be here and over with. In the midst of my promotion I got changed stores and the days I requested off got bumped down to *not priority* and the major day I needed off, my brothers wedding day, was not given to me. I was scheduled to work until an hour before my brothers wedding. I bought a really simple dress, because I was going to get my hair done and do the jewelry thing...anyhow....so I finally found someone to cover my shift, thankfully, and that stress has been put to rest. Now its just relax time! Well...not really.

I haven't been running. I was doing so good, but I stopped for like 3 days and now its turned into 3 weeks....Every day I tell myself Im going to start again and so far nadya. Fuck. Is all I have to say to all of it. I want to be fricken skinny and everyday I wake up with the intention of never eating again. Im like...k today is the day I start being anorexic and somehow I end up buying a slice of chocolate cake and eating it all???? HAHAHA Im a terrible failure. But one way or another I plan to lose this extra poundage. I will. I swear.

Joes 21st birthday is next week! Luckily, I was given off the day!!! However, I have no idea what to do for him! I bought about 10,000 balloons, streamers and banners. So I'm definitely going to decorate the house crazy kind!
Ive bought two items so far, but I want to buy a bunch of little presents, so he has lots to open....I need ideas. Hes a homebody, he likes video games and computers. Im going to make him a cake- I just decided this..I can finally test out my cakery skills. mwaha. OKAY. I Ammm..going to go plan this thing.