Saturday, June 26, 2010

The Interview with a Werewolf

*Look I’m sorry.* He brought me close to his face; I turned my head away from his. The heat of his skin tickled my body and I closed my eyes. I knew what I had to do, but I wasn’t ready. He started kissing my neck gently his grip loosening on my elbow and soon his hands were searching my body. I just stood there with my eyes closed; my arms limp at my side. He began to unbutton his pants and was in the midst of pulling them down when I ran out the door....

Ive decided to keep myself accountable to my writing goal of 3 pages per day - I am going to starting posting little excerpts of my writing from those 3 pages.
My meeting went well. I am officially getting promoted (which doesn't excite me THAT much since I already knew it would happen) but heres a quick recap of my interview....

Music blasts through my stereo as I drive into town. My eyes dash to the clock, whew I should just make it there on time. I start singing along to LA Roux, but then quickly remind myself I must think of situations for the questions shes going to ask. I start talking to myself. *What is one thing you would change about your current store?* *What was one of your most difficult customers and why?* *What color panties are you wearing and why?* I zip through the questions, but start internally freaking out. What if she asks me this one or that one? What would my answer be. I’m finally parked. I have no extra time to prep myself, the time is now. I jump out of my car and dodge the oncoming traffic. I throw in too many quarters in the meter - only to read after that it’s a one hour limit so I just wasted about 6 quarters for no reason. Damn. I walk as quickly as my pencil skirt allows into the building, where I am graciously seated by the receptionist. I go over my notes, but by now my nerves are starting to set in.
There she is my manager. I follow her to her office where we sit and I make a few nervous remarks to her questions of how I am doing at my new store. I can hear my voice shaking and I'm trying to clear my throat of the nerves. I gulp. She grabs a piece of paper and begins the interrogation. *Where were you on the night of the 25th?* I answered the first question rapidly. My nerves now caused me to get excited and I was running out of breath because I had so many answers rehearsed. The second question was similar and I answered it okay, however, I faltered and I didn’t make eye contact like I had wanted. FOCUS! The third question was a blow. CRAP CRAP CRAP I didn’t rehearse this question, I don’t have a situation ready, focus. Don’t say um. Be professional. Think fast. Shit. Think.Words came out and she only wrote 3 words for that question and readily moved on to the next sensing my loss of words. The rest followed in almost the same manner. I tried to recover quickly, but for the most part the questions were nothing like I had anticipated. The whole interview process was probably 15 minutes and I was out of there. Good news though she told me I did great and was a lot better this time. I sounded confident. (I did?..oh...good) Now it’s time for a back round check...god I hope that guy I killed in Kansas doesn't show up on my records...

Friday, June 25, 2010


Okay.  So I went to bed at 1am. I woke up at 6am.  I have a huge interview this morning with my district manager >< Im so nervous, but I really want to nail it and bring it all to the board. I hope I can do that. 

Thats really whats on my mind at this point and time and once this is over it will be a huge relief

Not much else to say. Im a little stressed because of this meeting, my family being here and the wedding.  The days I requested off werent given to me and i have to close the store sunday night and then open it monday morning (the day of my brothers wedding) I really needed that day off and now Im also going to miss their rehearsal dinner.  Oh well :(

Wednesday, June 23, 2010


I finally went running. I took a little break for 2 weeks? yikes.  But Im back to the old routine. I really hate running. But I have no other way of getting myself to feel confident and happy in my own skin, so I guess its worth it.

I gotta go to work soon - which im also dreading. SO boring and being bored for 8 hours...on top of that i just realized Im closing the store so I get off at like 10:30pm, but then my shift tomorrow starts at 6am... thats not fair!

I dont have much to say today. All I did was go running and pick up the house.  I didnt even read :( Maybe ill go do that for an hour before I gotta go
Peace out

Ta Da!

So I wasnt going to change my whole blog layout... (although it didnt change that much,  just the colors) I got this bright idea to invert the colors of my background and give myself a big of a change!
I like it.  Anyhow - I spent most of the morning working on the layout.
Then I worked on my interview questions. My official interview is this Friday at 9am. I cant tell you how nervous I am.  Its weird though, because I don't get nervous until I am sitting there and the first question gets asked and I seriously PANIC.  I have like a minor anxiety attack and it even happened today when my store manager went over a mock interview with me. She asks the first question and I totally freeze up.  I did better on my mock interview, but the advice she gave me was to be more confident in what I was saying. BLAH
I feel confident in doing - not in telling. I might let my district manager know that on Friday before the meeting lol.

Ive also.. started working on a new little writing project. I dont want to jinx it yet, but ill post some of it when I get far enough.
Thats all for now. I just finished working and im hyper.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

My Booky Nook

So for the past couple of days Ive been working on a little project.... Im putting together this rather lame website that is going to catalog the books Ive read etc.  Im rating books, reviewing books Im currently reading (so every time I finish a book I review it on my front page) Im posting my current reading list and also other popluar books...Idk its quite silly especially since nobody will visit it, but at least it will be sort of a catalog for my books. An online bookshelf :)

I was playing some vocabulary games last night online and I found a really good one that tests what your vocabulary range is and then if you get the words wrong it gives you the definition. Also theres a spelling bee quiz on there and thats how I found out that I am a terrible speller. I kind of knew this. I know what words mean and how to use them, but some words I had a hard time spelling! I felt rather disappointed in myself I must admit. Im a little above an *average* speller (but not by much) and Im in the 600s for my vocabulary (out of 800) so I mean, thats not bad.  Im going to go on there like every day! :)

Theres the link if you'd like to try it for yourself. 

Today is Fathers Day - obviously.  I have to go to dinner tonight at my familys house....funnnnnnnnnn (not)
I love my family, I really do, but sometimes you can only take so much of them. Which is pretty sad since I don't even live with them and rarely see them.  I'm pathetic and now I feel ashamed about myself and how I never see my family.... did I mention my sister is flying in on Wednesday???? I'm sooo excited. Its been 3 years since Ive seen her (shes probably the only family person - besides my mom- that I can hang out with and not want to shoot myself half way through)  We*re going to spend so much time together I cant wait!! 

Ummm. there was..oh yes.  So my official interview is on Friday morning! (for my promotion, I'm getting my promotion I just have to have an interview, but it should go fine *fingers crossed* )

Anyhow I got totally distracted and didnt even remember I was making a its time to go!

Friday, June 18, 2010


 * I LOL at sluts* nough said.

Anyhow, moving on the important things... such as the movies!! :D I went to see Get Him To The Greek last night. Fricken funny as hell.  Just so you know.  Toy Story 3 comes out today and although for some reason Toy Story freaks me out....(I have no idea why) Joe REALLY wants to see it, so we might be going tonight. :O Fun fun.

I finally choreographed my hula for my brothers wedding. It didnt take very long because the song is actually quite short (hmm...maybe that had a LITTLE something to do with why I chose it...just sayn)
Im dancing to Andy Willams The Hawaiian Wedding Song. Its actually pretty (the song - not my dance) haha
I still have to tape myself dancing it so I dont forget the steps etc -.- I have problems with that for some reason. If someone, other than myself, teaches me a made up dance etc, I can totally remember, but if I make up my own everything I end up completely forgetting what I had decided upon and practiced the next time I practice. lol Granted, Im not very good at making myself practice so maybe that has something to do with it? Probably.
 Im just relieved to have that part over with - now I just need to actually practice I have like 2 weeks! July 5th is their wedding date, CRAZY. Then I will be the only child unwed.  Oh gawd. It should be awhile before I get married it seriously freaks me out a bit to think that Im totally eligible  to be engaged/married... but -.- not in that way since obviously im in a long term relationship and I dont be eligible to ANYONE - I just mean I wouldnt be considered crazy.... like people get married all the time in their 20s -.- God, does anyone else have problems with their age? Like I dont feel like Im about to be 20 at all. I use to think 20 meant like..idk being grown up. HA grown up, I still feel like im 13. It hit me though, mainly with my new promotion, that Im not really 13 anymore. Lifes coming at me fast and I dont know if I can drink it in all at once.

I need to have a conversation with Joe about some technicalities in our relationship. Mainly, plans for the future seeing as...I dont really want to be living with his family for the rest of our lives? :) Not that its bad as of right now, because right now there could be nothing better than my nice cozy living arrangement. I go to school and work full time and I dont have to pay rent. :) However in a couple years Ill be applying for internships etc and then Ill have to leave my second nest.

I apologize for rambling so much....Im just sort of type.

On a very random note. I really want a better vocabulary/ spelling.... so um, anybody got any suggestions as to how I should go about this?  Any games, websites, books etc that you can recommend?

Thats all for now.... I think....I have a lot more to say, but lets not waste anymore time....

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Nervous Break Down #757

SO- Last night I stayed up until 12am crying my eyes out. YES, because I am a big baby.
Im not really sure what has come over me.  Ive been okay with my job for the past 2 1/2 years, but transferring stores just threw my whole system through a loop and I suddenly decided I hated my job?  Which is dumb, I'm about to get paid REAL money for my job. I'm about to get this huge promotion. I'm 19 years old and I'm going to be making more money than a lot of people in Hawaii (including like my parents) but my eyes are slipping from the prize and so is the innocence of life.  It just dawned on me that I will be working for the REST of my life. Why has this just hit me? I always knew this. I mean, that's (as Joe pointed out to me last night) the essence of my being. The reason why I wake up in the morning is my goals and aspirations (which is to be a successful money making woman) and I have to say I think I'm doing a pretty good job at it so far. So why the hell am I suddenly so unhappy?  I watched the hours tick by last night and by the time I got into my car I was crying hysterically with how much I couldn't stand work. So I came home and cried some more and poured out my new found reasoning of life to Joe.  Whats the point of it all? We work for more than half our life and then die? We only stop working when we get old, which by then your ..OLD and every day probably wish to die.  Getting old is like...unthinkable to me. I honestly, don't want to go there. Its funny too because, like every age, it just creeps up on you and by the time I'm 70 ill still feel like I'm 50. So..maybe..who knows...I wont feel like grabbing the nearest fork and stabbing myself to death.  I started thinking that maybe I would never write my book, maybe I would never get my dream job a publishing company OR I do get my dream job and it ends up not being what I expected at all, so then what?  Am I doomed to be working in the company I am currently at for the rest of my life? Am I just going to be some corporate manager? Hell...the money is alright...but I just don't know how I feel about that.
I know this is a lot of nonsense here.

Anyhow - other than work not much has been going on. 

 I do, however, have to throw a hula together in like 2 weeks for my brothers wedding that I have barely started.  Thats got me a bit stressed out as well. Its my own fault of course. I started putting it together months ago, but then I felt like it was too early to start practicing and I didn't want to forget so I just waited and now of course with my promotion and changing stores my whole routine has been thrown off. I haven't ran in a week and I want to hit myself. And now I have this hula. Blah.  So much going on this summer its crazy!

My sister comes in next week! Im soo excited I havent seen her for 3 years, but Im also really bummed, because I set my whole workout losing weight thing to be around her coming home. I was supposed to be like 20 pounds thinner and even though I ran a lot I have lost hardly anything. Its really weird I feel like I look better, but when I get on the scale its just a couple pounds lighteR???? how does that make any sense?
Needless to say, my sister is extremely thin. Standing next to her sucks, but I guess I will just have to suck it up. Maybe I can start fasting :D  I still have a week...mwahaha.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Yummy History

Im not sure if Ive shared this tid bit about myself...but I love History.  Ive decided to go out and buy some history books and study it to the point where I can tell you a bunch of useless details about History.  I was thinking about double majoring in History, but Im selfish. My love of History is not so I can be a teacher or a historian its for my own purposes.. I think I might like to write historical fiction of some sort.  You least be educated about the past so if I write about different time eras etc, I can get the details and the general atmosphere right.

On another note- I have officially finished The Pillars of the Earth and I loved it. Whenever I read such a well written book, such as Pillars, I cant help but get inspired to write my own things.  Ill be starting the second and final book of the duo tonight. 

Lexy--- I have yet to read the life of bree tanner, but I can already tell from the mere size of the book that it wont fulfill my every desire.  I agree with you that I think she was just trying to throw us dogs a bone.  I really wish she would invest her time in either coming up with a new series, writing another Host book, or really dedicated real time and energy into a different part of the Twilight series. Shes a great writer and has such an enormous following that its a shame for her to just throw books at us that are not quality work. But that's just my biased opinion.

Work has been okay.  I have to admit I had a major freak out the other day. I started questioning myself and realizing that I could be doomed to be a manager for the rest of my life. How unhappy I would be to lead such a life.  My dream is to write books in a house far from civilization, where I can look out the window unto a beautiful snow capped mountain and watch the breeze rush through trees that border my property.  But the reality of life hit me and I began to wonder if I could ever be that accomplished.
My anxiety is starting to catch up with me, but I'm going to keep on going despite myself. Putting my best foot forward and all that cliche talk. 

Alright,  well Im off to start on my next book!

Friday, June 11, 2010

Its been awhile!

Havent posted in forever!

I finally got the internet to work in my room again. :) Yay!  I can continue on with my daily ramblings now.

Im happy to report this is the first summer in a very long time I think I am actually enjoying.  I am doing nothing but reading and writing.  (Not so much writing yet, more like brainstorming)
Im at the end of The Pillars Of The Earth by Ken Follet....Man, this book is really good and Ive been long over due to finish it.  I already have a huge book list to follow these.  After the second book to The Pillars Ill be reading *The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner* Yes...the new Stephenie Meyer book.  I might even sneak it in before the second Pillars just because its so short. I can probably just finish it in two hours. :) 
Water For Elephants
The Wheel Of Time series (which is 13? books long..) haha im only on the second one of those..
and Id like to sneak in a couple more classics.  Also! In August the third book to The Hunger Games series com es out. Totally excited about that!

Other than reading Ive been working lots. Im officially getting my promotion in 2 weeks and have already been transferred to a new store where I will be a manager. Its really weird being in my new store. Ive had a sore stomach about the whole thing all week. (This has been my first week in the store) I have no idea why I feel this way.  Everyt ime I get to work I like feel extremely sick (because of nerves) and I have no idea why Im so nervous.  Its like this feeling like im in trouble or something?  Anyhow, so of course new stores = new people, new customers...its a higher volume store so Im use to deploying about 4 people max at this store 4 is the min. and 7 is max.  So much bigger.  I think Im starting to like it though. 

I had a meeting with my district manager.. I get really nervous and when she asks me to come up with certain situations on the spot I dont deliver the answers very well because shes staring at me intensely.  She has this stern expression when she asks the question and then her eyes just bore into your face while you come up with the answer she wants.  Im terrible at remembering specific situations I found out.  I have certainly dealt cooly with difficult customers, partners and situations. I have been really successful with ordering and organizing and getting results.  But when you ask me dead on these questions about a specific situation.....idk my memory goes blank.   I had my whole binder organized ready to show her everything Ive worked on. I was ready to explain my ordering systems and the way Ive been handling people. I was ready to show her how I had already started reading all the modules on being an assistant manager and all I had left was to attend the classes. (which should be pretty stunning to them since the two assistant managers Ive dealt with hadnt even touched their modules)
Anyhow, she didnt really let me speak about any of that and her questions were all about difficult situations etc.  So I came up with a couple, but since I was so nervous I didnt deliver it *professionally*  And so now I have to have another meeting with her in two weeks... That was all very jumbled and probably makes no sense. But Ive been holding it inside for a week and its nice to finally vent about it.  The good thing is though, that I got called (by the district manager) the nucleus of my previous store. :)  I dont mean to toot my own horn here, but ya....I was in control of a lot.  The people who I worked with respected me and felt good about talking to me about anything.  I even got a phone call this morning from one of the girls in that store telling me the things that shes having problems with at the store now that im gone etc. and I talked her through it. I have to admit it was a huge ego booster to have someone from my old store STIll call me even though I dont work there anymore and ask for advice.  Anyhow, i have  a lot more to say, but I have to go down and make dinner for my man. WHICH by the way... I have a lot to vent about that situation as be continued. :)