Friday, April 30, 2010

New Poll

Im having trouble naming my car!
There are soo many good names, from books, movies, history, music!! I didnt even add any from music!
SO, Im taking suggestions.

Anyhow, the car is great, now I just have to catch up on the neglected school work/ studying.
I, um, skipped a couple classes in my English class and it actually brought my grade down to a B, but she said if I revise my first paper (which I got an A on I don't have to do much) and if I can get another A on my last paper I can get an A in the class.  Which of course, I'm hoping for! I sabotaged myself this semester though, I must admit.  I got a little too cocky/lazy.  But thats life right? I guess I cant except to hold a 4.0 all through college although I would really like too ><

Our dog last night went missing for 8 hours -.- She is actually our uncles dog, but they are on a trip so shes over here (they live right next door).  And the gate got open for a second and she ran out and took herself on a walk.  Shes pretty old, but shes used to going on about 3 walks a day and the first walk is usually a hike. So I think our lazy lifestyle was getting to her, but 888888 hours?? How does a dog even dooo that? lol
At least shes home now. Sigh.

Okay I have class, WHICH I WILL NOT SKIP. Ive learned my lesson. -.-

Then I have the rest of the day off!! YaY

Wednesday, April 28, 2010


Praise the Earth!!! I have a car!!!!

It all went as planned today and I am now the owner of a black, 2004, Nissan Sentra!!!!



Of course things dont come easy.

Ive worked my ass off to get this car. I get such bad anxiety I make myself sick, but ive sucked it up and set up everything I need to, to get this car.  Come to find out the safety might be expired on their car which means.. I cant buy it until that is done, I have to take the car down to Geico for them to inspect so I can get full coverage...and then after all of that I have to drag these people to the bank with me, where I will finish my loan up and they will give the check to the owners and I will get the title.

So far the people are *okay* not that okay, they arnt to happy.... about having to go to Geico and the bank. But not if the safety IS like fucked. Hopefully one of the geico places can get it done for me.... ugh
I feel so sick from all this anxiety . I have eaten barely anything for the past week, good news is Ive lost weight!

Tuesday, April 27, 2010


Is there good karma?

My co-worker and I had a discussion about this the other day at work.  The original meaning of karma was like things that weighed down your soul and made you repeat the cycle of reincarnation. (such as not fulfilling your class duties etc.) However, the more modern definition of karma is more of what you put out comes back around to you. Right? So if you do bad things and something bad happens your like..oh Karma. But what if you've been doing really well and things have been shit, but finally something amazing happens. Wouldn't that be an, oh Karma situation too?
I believe it.

Yesterday was the worst day. It ended with my huddled in my shower crying my brains out as water showered down on my helpless body.

Everything was planned. My mom would come with me to co-sign the loan and then Id have the check, run over to the guy who im buying the car from and bam..problem solved.
Turns out its not that easy. Even though I already filled out most of the loan information I got double-whamm-ied yesterday at the bank when the lady told me I needed proof of insurance. This wouldn't be so bad except, I'm insured under my parents right now, but once I get this car I was going to set up my own insurance. Apparently, i have to set up my new plan right now, before I can get any of the money. So now Im stuck, as far as I know you cant get insurance without the car? But I have no promise that this car is mine...what if it gets sold before I get the loan finished? You see my dilemma? The holder of the car wont wait for me because he and his family are trying desperately to move to back to the mainland ASAP. So..if someone comes with cash before I do, Im fucked.  SO. My parents said (or my mom did yesterday as I left the bank crying) that they already have a loan and she could write a check for the car and then I could buy the car from her. (This would solve everything)
SO she calls my dad....and he doesnt get back to us until 10 at night. Ive been waiting all day for his response. He says no. I dont know why...and Im talking with him on the phone and he is telling me everything I already know and making it sound like its so easy, *YOU NEED INSURANCE BEFORE YOU CAN GET THE
LOAN.* ... *Yes, I know dad, but I cant get insurance until I have the car? But what if someone buys the car and Ive set up insurance?* This continues until finally I just kind of snap *ILL JUST DO IT MYSELF NEVERMIND.*
But really, I am.  Yeah, so their co-signing a loan. But whos making the payments? Ya, I am. Co-signing doesn't mean anything if you have a responsible daughter who is making more money than one of their own parents.. So I gave up. But only for that 30 minutes in the shower.

Im calling Insurance companies today (Geico gave me the best quote) Hopefully we can set it up and I can get this done if not today, tomorrow.  But the Karma event that sealed my deal was my bank account number. Ive been anxiously awaiting my tax return.. and I got it this morning, only it was double the amount I had thought it would be.  Im not sure if its a mistake and hopefully its not....but I dont even know who to call about it? Luckily, no matter what at least half of that is mine for sure. So now I feel a bit better.

I even officially finished my research paper today and feel good about turning it in. 
So heres to my day off, spent calling insurance companies, running to malls and writing papers.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Paper Done!

So I finished my research paper!
I just have to finish up the last touches. But its all written. :)

Now I just have to put a power point together and write another paper for English. But hopefully that one will be a bit easier since its on Sylvia Plath and based all on opinion!!

As you all saw already (via facebook <3 ) My fever broke last night while I was sleeping and Im allll better. Except... my voice hasnt come back yet, but thats okay because I feel finnee.

My mom is going with me early tomorrow morning to sign my loan and hopefully Ill be able to go get my car tomorrow!! Cross those fingers.  The only bummer is I have to work tomorrow (pooey) I havent had a day off for awhile (except yesterday but I was really sick) I just slept all day.

Anyhow, this entry is extremely everywhere and terrible grammar etc. but you know what... I don't care! I just got done writing a damn good research paper with good vocabulary. I can use some slang damnit!


I make myself laugh.

I cant wait till everyone can listen to this song I am listening to right now...... not for a little while though... and I cant say anything until its released (i feel special).  SOON though, Ill post this mysterious song and everyone can be in a trance with me.

Saturday, April 24, 2010


I feel horrid still (granted its the same day) but my body aches like crazy.

I did however, make myself go look at that car and I am sooo happy I did its  a 2004 nissan sentra for 5k! The only problem is I still have to go co-sign my loan. So they said they wont hold it..if someone else comes to buy it.... Ill be really sad if this car gets sold to anyone else.


I feel miserable.

I went to see Bruno Mars last night (who btw soon everyone will know his music is amazing)
I can already foresee him being the nest big thing.

I, however, was sick through the entire thing. I had the most front and dead center seats available (better than his dads...I felt a bit guilty about this, I have to admit)
But I was sick and nauseous the entire time.  We got invited up into the V.I.P lounge like back stage with the band and Bruno but had to turn it down due to me feeling like I was going to puke any second. I just have to say..this shows you how sick I feel I would NEVER turn down an opportunity like that Never. I have to go open up the store its 4am. Hopefully I can go home today and not have to stay longer than 2 hours (I can barely talk) :( and Im pretty sure I have a fever.
Alright....pray I dont throw up thats the worst.


Yupp,  I have a fever :(
Luckily I got off work at around 6 something and came home and slept.
But I am meeting people today to look at their nissan sentra! So I gotta go now... blah

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Clean Room

Just a quickie.

I fINALLY cleaned this damn room! I even bought little baskets to put my school books in etc. :) I just have to attack the closet later.

I still have that paper to write. Its only 4 pages, but its daunting....

I am trying really hard to watch what I eat. Ive been getting a little out of hand again. :/  So im watching what im eating and trying hard to fit in some runs etc... I finally downloaded an audio-book to listen to while Im running. Im hoping this will motivate me more, because I will feel like Im getting two tasks done at once: Increasing my book list and exercising!
Both of which  I need to do badly and a lot of the time I dont go out running because I am so into a book.

My problem with this audio-book thing is...I feel like Im losing the essence of A book..does that make sense?

I like words. I like to read words. I also worry about getting to distracted while running to really LISTEN to what the narrator is saying. I mean I dont want it to just be background noise, ya know?

Anyhow, Im supposed to try out this new routine today and Im already feeling the huge halting signs. My body saying how much happier it would be to just lay on the couch and read or even start working on my paper.

Im starting to hold myself accountable though for all that Im eating in a day. This is what made me watch what I ate years ago. I had to write down how many calories I had and what I had eaten etc.
I know I need to weigh myself before starting all this so I can say * I lost..* But honestly...i dont even want to know. I really dont. I think Im not even going to go there and until I start feeling better about myself again and then I can step on the scale and be proud. But right now, I think id just fall apart.

On a happier note. Has anyone heard of Bruno Wars?
He is a singer/songwriter, he has a bunch of songs hes actually written for other artists (Natsha Beddingfields- Again, was written by him and Brandi has a song by him)
anyhow, my boyfriends mother is best friends with his Aunt.  His aunt had an extra ticket to his concert and invited me to come along. :) So Ill be there tomorrow night at his concert. Im ashamed to say, but Ive only ever heard a couple of his songs. (Hes not so much of my genre).  We have *special* tickets that have little red stamps on them. I guess thats like VIP or something? I really dont know what to expect 0.o Joes mom thinks we*re going to meet him, which is cool...but I dont know his stuff that well, so its a little awkward. Right?

Anyhow Im on my way to my American Lit class in town. (So Pointless I skipped Tuesdays class...sigh...I wish I could skip this one!)

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

World War III

Im short on time, but I really need to vent.

My grandfather passed away when I was 11. I loved him so much, it still hurts to think about him.  I recently found out he was writing a book before he got sick. It was about World War II. My two specialty subjects are English and History.  So Ive been trying to locate his work for awhile...finally I found where it is. With my aunt, who thinks she better than the rest of the family, stole all of his work and has it somewhere...
I emailed her yesterday to ask if she could photocopy what he had written, as I am an English major and also writing my own novels.  All she replied to this long email I sent was this...

Its not a novel: a work of fiction. It was a nonfiction book about World War II.

Seriously? I replied back and said, *Can I get copies?*  Its been a day and I have no response. Shes going to ignore me and this means war.  Seriously... This manuscript is like the holy grail to me...I will have it.
More than anything, I want it because grandpa was sick all my life.  I grew up with him though, all my childhood memories are of grandma and grandpa.  To get to finally see inside his mind (because I believe how you write and what you write say a lot about a person and the internal thoughts they don't voice to the public) would be priceless to me and mean the world to me (as cliche as that is).

Its work time and Im seething with hatred inside.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Pirate time.

I want to be a pirate.  I think Im going down to the casting call for the fourth Pirates movie! I mean come can I not just TRY???
So...Im going to. Although, lol she is looking for really odd looking people.. but maybe I could fit the bill?
Im thinking of submitting this...
lol Im so kidding.

But I definitely do look weird! :)

Heres some pictures from that painting marine debris party.
That totem is all floats that we painted and glued thing too. Im still not done with mine! When I finish it ill post a pic.  Heres a closer look at some of the floats people made:
This next picture is more so you can see my living room and my rat cage!! :)

Thats the other side of the living room . :P And Puddles (the dog)
Anyhow! So back on the subject of pirates...
It would be hella cool to be an extra 0.o I dont know what they would use me for though :/ Id probably end up being one of those whored up bar maids hahaha with old gross guys groping at me.... HAHA but how cool would that be to see yourself?  
Yes, I am in fantasy land, sorry.
Back to reality.
I had a test today. I think it went well. I had to work at 4am again, so I am tired and being incoherent. 
I skipped my other class, because it was in town and I was a little scared I might fall asleep on the road.... plus I have a paper/presentation due in a week that I need to start working on 0.o
Alright well, Im off to take a nap.

Monday, April 19, 2010


okay! So I went to your blog and read your posts and tried to comment...and the comment box wouldnt appear!! SO This is a special entry just for you!



So have a wonderful day Lexa! Thanks for being my friend and blogging all the time. I love reading your blogs! :)

Sunday, April 18, 2010

The Cycle of Life

Where do I begin?

Today was a very odd day.  I woke up at 4am exhausted, praying to all the living things in my house that I would be able to stay awake during my shift.  (Which I did with a nice pick me up of caffeine).

I see people everyday at work. I deal with a TON of people.  Everyone has their own personalities, but unfortunately all I see from these people is a cold detached side of themselves.  I deal with the part of the person who is stressed, rushing, pissed, angry, biased, name it..and I tend to just write people off the same way Im sure I get written off. I ignore them. I ignore the REAL them.  This is my big epiphany today....these customers interest me. I am a people watcher. I would make a wonderful stalker (not in a harmful way, I just like observing people). I like to think about what might make somebody want that job, or talk that way, or think that way...I like to observe the inner workings of people. 
It started with one of my regular customers...I simply asked what job he had. I see him everyday and I wasnt sure what else to say to keep my conversations *Fresh and interesting*.  So I asked him what he did...and he told me he was an English teacher. So then we started talking about books and writing and my own novel etc. And I saw this side of him I had never seen.  This has started to happen more and more recently. I find out this really rude, crude customer is from Israel.  So he talks to me about Israel and opens up completely about how Americans are selfish pigs who take their country for granted, he described the terrible things that would happen to someone who was accused of being Jewish in Israel. It dawned on me...and I actually started to cry when this guy left.  I felt so terrible for making this big assumptions about this man. I just wrote him off as a complete asshole and now hearing about his life makes me realize why he would be like that.  I could tell you a million more stories just like that, but Ill leave it like this.... I am starting to appreciate these people for them and opening my heart to their stories and the things I am learning are phenomenal.

I came home from a long day of work, wanting to take a good long nap, but time escaped me and I had to get ready to attend my uncles mothers funeral.  She passed away a week ago and to be honest, Im not sure it hit me that she was dead until today.  I cried.  I wasn't sure if I would.  I do love her, but my love wasn't as intense as those who had known her for a bigger chunk of her life (versus my minimal 4? 5? years?).  
The thing that really pissed me off though...was my ex-boyfriend.  This guy is unbelievable. He fricken came to this woman's funeral (whom he didnt even know) and Im pretty sure it was just to see me...why else would he come?  I added him of facebook recently as a gesture of peace (its been 3 years since we broke up) and he has left millons of comments on my facebook now (even though he has a girlfriend!)....gawd. He just doesnt get it!

After the funeral I had to rush home because Joes, moms birthday party was scheduled for tonight.  SO  I rushed to the store bought ice cream (which we didnt use) and then rushed home....longggg night.  We*ve been painting marine debris and making art out of it. Ill put up pictures. :) Im making the Cheshire cat!

Anyhow. I am totally exhausted! I have papers to write, books to read, tests to study for...but for right now I have a bed that is calling my name!

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Stupid Cars

Im sorry my posts have been random and I havent been reading peoples blogs. :( Im starting to feel the stress of the last couple of weeks at school +work+sleep+trying to find a car...

My car search didnt go well.  I spent my whole day off looking at cars and none of them were in my criteria (they were either manual, too high mileage, or too pricey) I spent like 2 hours at my dads friends dealership and they like held my hostage there. They kept showing me 16,000 dollar cars and I was like...THIS ISNT IN MY PRICE and they are like *its okay we*ll bring it down* So they bring it down to 12,000 and are like *You ready to buy this?* And im like...NO ITS NOT IN MY PRICE RANGE.  *What can we do to sell you a car today?*  SHOW ME CARS THAT MEET MY BUDGET... So after 3 hours of arguing and apologizing to the guy saying *look I just need to think about it* I finally ran out of that place never wanting to deal with cars ever again.  I am soooo sick of this. Im just going to take the next thing.

I am working a 4am shift today..I havent done that for like 2 weeks, so im really tired.  My stomach hurts too :( I have to work from 4am -1:30pm.........not fun.

Time to go to work.

Ill try to make better posts when I get home!  (And Reply to all of you guys!! Thanks for commenting etc even though I have been a shitty blogging buddy. <3333)

Friday, April 16, 2010


Oh boy.

Todays the day Im supposed to go looking for my car, but Im a nervous wreck.  Im not sure if Ill have enough guts to go down there by myself and start asking a bunch of questions etc.

Centipedes have taken over my home.... we killed 3 of them last night....Im like scared to put my feet down.

I registered for classes the other day! And I have good news.. I will be transferring to a university after this next semester of community college. I cant wait! I will finally get to take more interesting and challenging courses.
Fall semester Ill be taking... Geography(and a lab), Math (to refresh my memory, because I haven't done it in 4 years), English, and Anthropology.  All those classes in one day too! So ill have like 3 days off of school it will be a nice change from my commute 5 days a week.

Ugh I just took a little break and went on facebook to check something... I think im going to delete that thing. All I do is feel hatred toward my own family because they are posting these terrible comments and pictures that are so close minded... ugh I cant take people..

Thursday, April 15, 2010


Thanks guys for being so supportive about all those secrets I shared. :) I know the last couple were pretty heavy and its amazing that we all shared a common hurt, like that, in our lives.

Lets just get one thing out of the way. I am extremely introverted and about the worst friend anybody could ever have.  This doesnt mean I do not care about the people who end up getting close to me though...

I used to have two best friends. Granted both of them are extremely religious and I cant really try to get close to them now, because they don't understand why I believe what I do now.
We*re facebook friends though... and I watch them talk with people etc and I think god...I wish I had something like that.  Somebody who I could finally get close to again, but who shares the same views as me.  (Like to hang out with or something I know you all are my friends, dont get me wrong! )
But the funny thing is... I can yearn for that, but in the end...that person would get close to me and I to them, but I would bail out on hangout days. I would probably end up dreading having to places with this person.  Why?
It doesnt matter how much I like them... I still just hate the public.

I wish I were different sometimes.

Anyhow... on another note.

I have been having crazy crazy dream all week.  Most of them are like end of the world dreams 0.o.
Like major natural catastrophes etc.  Like for example...what if the Earth started spinning backwards? Yupp.. I had a dream that it was night for like an hour then all of a sudden it was day time again, because the Earth started spinning backwards..crazy.
And last night I had a dream about some crazy phys-co lady who could morph into animals and like she kept trying to kill me.

I have a day off! But I have it jammed back with stuff. I SHOULD be writing my statement letter for my scholarships im applying for..but I got a little distracted.  I have to go pick up my letter of reference, go to a store meeting, call my work hot line and fix how I get paid,  go to class, go to the financial aid office, go back to class and then drive home in rush hour traffic. WHEW on my day off! lol
And tomorrow (If i get paid correctly) I will be going to look at cars and pray and hope. (BY MYSELF THOUGH!)
Everybody is working and nobody can go with me so im going by myself.

Okay Ive really got to go.. I have no time for this!!

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Honest Scrap that I am....

Yay, I got an Honest Scrap award! Thanks Jon and Lexa!
Rules: List 10 facts that aren't common knowledge about myself and pass it on to 6 deserving bloggers.

1. I can touch my tongue to my nose.
2. I have 3 pet rats, currently one of them (hopefully) just has an inner ear infection. Im really worried about her.
3. My real name is Sarah I use Gypsy as a *Pen name* and Gypsy is also the name of my sick rat.
4. Im majoring in English and want to work in book publishing (being an editor hopefully, but im looking into other areas of the field, anything to do with books and publishing and Ill be happy!)
5. Im working on a novel.  (thats kind of common knowledge sorry)
6. I graduated a year early from highschool. I did 9th and 10th grade in one year. I also attended a school that only had 30 people grades 1-12 for 11 years..... So I never really had a good school experience. 
7.  I worry about everything to the point where I make myself sick.  I dont like making phone calls to strangers or business* I start to hyperventilate...Oh and I refuse to order pizza over the phone.
8.  I was once anorexic. (For a year from 13-14, I struggle with self-esteem and confidence till this day and often times for a couple weeks try not to eat much, but end up giving into the vicious cycle once again.)
9. I got kicked out of my house when I was 18, because I stayed out later than 12am. My parents and I got into a huge fight which ended in my leaving with trash bags of clothes.
10. And for a secret I have only ever shared with a handful of people... I was a cutter. I still have bad urges when I get depressed or angry, but I haven't cut for almost a year now. (I realize its stupid, but It doesnt seem stupid at the was a way to get out emotions that I couldnt in other ways) Actually...for awhile I got so insanely depressed and cutting (last year I think..) that my boyfriend and his mom made me go see a therapist... lol thats kind of when I woke up and was like...this therapist isnt fixing me, I have to fix myself.

And now for the 3 deserving bloggers I know...

Jon  thanks for giving me this award and having the guts to talk about your religion! That gets major brownie points from me!

Lexa thanks for being honest enough to post pictures for your workout scheme and help me get back into shape too! Also, your always honest about everything thats happening and thats really inspiring.

Alainarose thanks for being honest in your posts, I love the way you write.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

When Life Gives You Lemons...

I just woke up.

ALthough, this is my day off, I feel like I have so much to get done. 

1. Get out of my pajamas and get ready
2. Stop at moms house and fill out my FAFSA forms
3. Stop at bank and straighten everything out (which could take hours)
4. Go buy Tiffany a birthday card, gift card and something to eat for her party
5. Go to Tiffany*s birthday party this afternoon in like 3 hours....

The car search needs to end! I am so sick of this already.  Hopefully, next weekend I will have my car.  By then I will have co-signed my loan and chosen my car. WHEW!

Believe it or not I have been writing, a lot.  Well a lot in the sense that every second I get minutes of free time. The only problem with this is, im terrible and writing AND reading. I need to start splitting the time, but I feel like if im in the mood to write I just should, because I really really want to complete something!

Alright well, I was going to say something more entry like, but Im still tired and dreading my day of social activities.. :(

Got to go get ready...

Friday, April 9, 2010

Oh just you wait...

I woke up and got ready for class as always..
on my way to class I stopped to get some gas, since I was on E, and found out my card was being declined. So I come home and find out my check never got deposited into my account and now I owe the bank a bunch of money for over draft fees wait it gets better... so i call the people and say W TF why hasnt my check been deposited...*Oh it was sent to you in check form* OH WHY??? *Somebody at your bank must have changed that * ya....

Needless to say, im going down there right now to yell at them all for fucking with my money in the first place. Somebody at the bank had transfered all my money from my savings to my checkings without my consent... and then i think it shut down my savings account, hence the paper check.... so going to tell them they better take off every overdraft or ill take my money elsewhere bunch of fuck heads. GAH im so mad. I couldnt even go to class because I have -200.00 and no way to pay for gas. SWEET

Thursday, April 8, 2010


I walked into the movie theaters with high expectations, this was a brand new theater and was supposed to be really great.  I waited in line for my popcorn my eyes searched wildly about the place.  Graffiti littered the ceiling and the walls of the theater and I began to realize this theater didn't look new at all, but run down and disgusting.  I decided I better leave, its not worth getting diseases from sitting in their grubby chairs. As I was exiting the big glass doors I noticed a group of people to my right.  I asked a friend nearby what all the commotion was about.  *Its supposed to land in one minute!* News crews specked the sidewalks and I began to grow very curious.  I had forgotten that this big celestial event was today.  I took up a spot for myself where I could see the horizon of the water and waited.  Everyone watched in anticipation as nothing happened during the time that was given for this event.  I looked closer at the water and then shouted, *RUN!*
The water was gathering at a rapid speed and rushing to shore, a tsunami was on its way.
I ran inside the building, down the hall, my legs wouldn't carry my fast enough, I kept tripping. The screams from outside were horrifying as the water drowned the whole city.
My legs kept going limp, but I dragged myself to the next exit.  It was dark now, I wasn't sure why it was dark when it was only mid-afternoon, but I pressed on.  I looked up into the sky as I entered the parking lot.  The sun was, but a dim light in the sky, a reddish orange and all of a sudden it disappeared.  The sun had died and now it would all begin.

That was my dream. :) I had a good alien dream too (that possible could be linked to this dream), but Ill spare you from the details.

Turbo Tax

Ah, to be done with the dreaded taxes.  First time, ladies and gentlemen, have I filed ALL on my own! My mom has been doing it for me since I was 14....but now I'm all grown up. Sad.

Hehe, actually I'm quite pleased with the money that should be in my bank account soon. :)

Anyhow, besides all of that life has been crazy.  I'm running on 2 hours of sleep and my eyelids are drooping on me.  I have tomorrow partially off (from work at least) but I have school all day. Bleh. 

This entry is going to be very short because I am literally falling asleep as I type this.


Monday, April 5, 2010

The Bell Jar

Fantastic, brilliant book.  It was so good(The Bell Jar)!! Ive been meaning to read this book for so long (not knowing muchabout it, just knowing it was depressing and a classic), but I really wasn't excepting such a hauntingly, beautiful novel.   Ive already decided that at the end of my American Literature class Sylvia Plath is the author Id like to write my essay on.

Cars, Cars, Cars, and then some more CARS... why are you so expensive? Why will I always be in debt to somebody throughout my whole life? These simple life necessities are starting to weight down on my brain.
My goal has been to be as debt free as I can possibly be. I have not used a single credit card (nor do I plan to) and I paid for my first two semesters of school out of pocket.  But now Im going to school full time which is around $1,500 just for the classes at a community college not even including book prices.  I gave in and decided student loans I will do. But now I think about it and Im going to be bogged down with loans for the rest of my life! A car loan, school loan, house loan......! Thats crazy!  I was driving to the bank today to work out some minor details and I started thinking...WHAT IF, I dont get my dream job? WHAT IF, I don't even get a job that pays well at all!? HOW WILL I BE ABLE TO AFFORD IT ALL? Rent and payments??? How? Luckily, if anything I have the job I am currently at...but when I get my degree and start applying for jobs...?? What if nobody wants me? Or somebody does want me, but I make no money at it?
Well it will do me no good to worry about it all. So I will just take it as it comes and hope to god I can keep myself altogether.

My writing.. I haven't even begun this process yet. I have everything in my head and nothing down on paper. But I have hope. At the end of the Bell Jar there was a short biography about Sylvia Plath and apparently she had been planning to write the Bell Jar for 10 years, but was experiencing a *Novel Block.*
Now hopefully this does not continue on for 10 more years... although I guess it already almost has since I was 11 when I initially said *I AM GOING TO WRITE A NOVEL!* and began furiously scribbling down everything I could think of.  (Oh, the story was terrible, but how I wish I could read it all now..I had stacks and stacks of paper, but I threw it all away when I was like 13...)

Easter, meant nothing to me but another day to work.  Usually, I get all excited about holidays and put together little Easter egg baskets and such, but this year...I did nothing! I went car shopping and went to work.  Blah! Happy Belated Easter!!! <3

Saturday, April 3, 2010

The Wreck of the Hesperus

My rooms looks the Wreck of the Hesperus.

I want to clean it up, but im lazy...and that time could be spent reading the Bell Jar. (Which is riveting and I cant put it down.)

I dont have much time to read either, which is why it takes awhile for me to finish a book (otherwise I could finish it the same day I started) but I decided that I need to make myself read more. I just read between classes and before bed etc. or on my lunch break at work. hehe. Its nice though to be reading again. 

Besides all of that... ive been working like crazy. I was scheduled another 6 days in a row of working and on Monday I close and Tuesday I open.... Im going to be very grumpy this week. :)
Although, hopefully tomorrow I can get a car!!! Wouldnt that be lovely?? Im not sure it will happen so fast though.....

I already picked out my classes for next semester (yes I am a huge nerd and I realize this semester isnt even over yet!)

Monday/ Wednesdays:  Ill be taking a Geography class and an Short Story and Novels class
Tuesdays/ Thursdays:  Speech Performance class and an intro to Literature (focused on Monster Fiction!!)

I will love all those classes except the Speech of course, but Speech is required... :(

Friday, April 2, 2010

Whyd you go stick your head in the oven?

So I finally officially finished Eat Pray Love and now have a new  book underway.
I was going to start Demian by Herman Hesse, but when I was at Borders yesterday I couldnt find it and I ended up starting to read the Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath.  So im going to read that first, but then ill travel on to the books suggested, of course book suggesting is still open so please suggest away!

At Borders I found 2 nice journals in which I intend to write my stories in.  Ive been meaning to put up a page on my blog that covers the progress of the book Im working on right now.

anyhoww I was going to write a really good entry in a story format, but time escapes me and I have to get to class.

Ill try to update tonight (tomorrow I think Im going to go look at cars!)

Thursday, April 1, 2010


Thats Wall-E my first car which is now gone! Thanks Google Earth for this picture. :)

Unfortunately, my car was un-salvageable. The engine was completely shot! Anyhow, Im looking at the positive and the positives are all looking good!  1. I can finally get a car with speakers that work again (I blew my speakers out in Wall-E) 2. I can get a car that people wont yell at me for...(true story I had a guy once yell out his window that my car was ugly etc and made fun of me...on the freeway, yes. < during traffic > and then had an old guy gest about me getting a paint job...)
3. I can (hopefully) get a jeep or suv-ish vehicle, because thats what i really like....

SEE! Good stuff.

Well I have more bad news I still unsure of how I should feel about all of this , but my uncles mother is about to pass away, they gave her a week or two left to live.  Ive only known her for the past 2 or 3? years, but she has been sick ever since coming here to Hawaii and although shes a lovely lady you can just see how worn out she is by everything. So in a way shell be in a happier place. But its really weird...I feel sad, but not to where I want to cry lots? (then again shes still alive so ...) but then I feel really bad because MY grandma is close to her and my aunt and uncle sooooooo, ya.  Im supposed to go over to their house this Sunday to have dinner with them and say *goodbye* to grandma.  Im actually scheduled to work during that dinner, but im going to try and switch shifts so I can go, but is it just me or is that not going to be the most awkward dinner ever.  *Okay everybody eat, now say goodbye to grandma and wish her well in her afterlife.* Shes not dead yet!!!! Idk.

Anyhow......not much more to say.... school tomorrow.